Marry or Cohabit?

[perry571]

here in Holland, if you live together, bed and table as its said here, for 5 years or longer you have the same rights as a married couple if you split up. On the other hand I have married for the second time, after 2 years with my 2nd husband I gave him the choice, married or go our seperate ways, like most of you I believe if you are with a person then marriage is part of staying together,after 19 years with my first husband, I wasnt really looking for hubby 2 but I am of the old school, living together means you are playing home with someone but dont want to take on the responsibility of marriage, home and children, who has children without the marriage
what are we showing our children, its ok to be a parent but not a wife or husband???
I de believe that people who can marry(same sex couples)who spend their lives together should have rights to the benifits of a married couple, tax and so forth but I honestly believe living together, not married, makes its too easy for one or both to have people outside their relationshipship. My husband now always said, if he was married he could just leave or have a bit on the side but once married, he would do niether. Isnt that what marriage is all about, being there for each other and always being true to each other???

[ma01]

"Isnt that what marriage is all about, being there for each other and always being true to each other???" just about sums it up.

Marriage is a commitment. It means that you can *rely* on your partner and vice-versa. This isn't really possible to achieve outside marriage as far as I'm concerned. Yes, co-habiting couples can form stable relationships based purely on trust, but there isn't any real incentive for either partner to keep that trust element going for an unknown number of years into the future, so the stability is largely illusionary. I dunno - perhaps I'm just old-fashioned...

Any tax advantages etc. are just icing on the cake. They don't create the commitment in the first place and certainly shouldn't even attempt to be the basis for marriage!

[Fiverise]

30 odd years ago, I ended with wife 1 and started a relationship with no 2 She didn't want to Marry but I'm old school and felt we should make a commitment.
We married on Valentines day and we've never looked back don't remember any tax or monetary advantages but I know Weve stuck at it thro thick and thin and I'm as happy today as I was Then
although we are now aproahing our 70's and Some things are a struggle
Frise

[LDunlop76]

Whilst being a supporter of marriage, I would also add that it's not something to rush into - you need to be sure you've found "the one". I remember my brother mocking me for my long engagement (6 years whilst completing uni, saving up for house etc.) to hubby whereas he was marrying his fiancee 6 months after meeting her. But she lived in Scotland, he lived in Manchester; they'd only seen each other alternate weeekends in the best of health, the best of temper and the best of clothes. Their marriage was on the rocks within 12 months and they were divorced before 2 years had passed.

[William R]

Marry in Haste and Repent at Leisure - wasn`t that the old adage?
Now take my case as an example -

We met on September 22nd 1945, did my National Service and got married on July 10th 1948.

Lived happily, through thick and thin, until her untimely death on February 21st 2002, after nearly 54 years of marriage.

When I look at today`s statistics for divorce, I don`t think we did too badly, but I fear that Golden Celebrations are becoming fewer as the years progress. Should we look for someone to blame?

[Spitfire]

Does ANYTHING still carry the same value as it once used to? Examples are far and few between these days.
As a matter of interest (or not), our Golden is only just over a year away.

[LDunlop76]

Well done on your approaching golden wedding, Jim. My grandparents had been married 55 years when my grandfather died and I always regard them as having set a good example. On 5th October it will be 30 years since the evening hubby and I met - I still have a soppy moment when I hear the song that was playing at the time!

[muffers]

Talking about soppy moments. Mine was not for my hubby but for a twit I dated before I met him. The day he asked me out the radio in the pub was playing..Puff the Magic Dragon.... I still like the tune, went off the idiot...

[shuffy]

We celebrated 35 years of marriage yesterday although we have actually lived together for 37 and a half.Mind you it is my 2nd marriage my first one on;y lasted 5 years!

[noel]

Congratulations Dedrah, did you celebrate ie throw a party?